No Going Back
by Audrxyweasley
Summary: Harry can't carry on any longer. He can't carry on lying Ginny, to the Weasleys or to himself. After he leaves Ginny, there's no going back. Post-War! Ron Bashing. Harry finally comes to terms with being gay. Please Read & Review so I know how to improve the fic!
1. Chapter 1

**Hey, thanks for reading! Please Read and Review so I know what I'm doing well, and what I can improve!**

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Harry didn't know what lead him to Neville and Hannah's at 2am, but clearly, some part of him thought that, given the situation, Neville would be the best person to go to. Harry knocked on the door, leaning his head on the post as he waited. The door swung open, revealing Neville stood in his dressing gown. "Harry? What are you doing here? It's the middle of the night." Harry lifted his head from the post. "I left Ginny." He mumbled, barely mustering the energy to speak. "Really?" Neville asked in disbelief, "you'd better come in. You'll catch your death stood outside." He led Harry into the cosy living room, shouting up the stairs. "Hannah, can you put the kettle on? It's Harry." Hannah came bustling down the stairs, hair in a messy bun, and began shuffling around the kitchen in her slippers. Harry sat down on the sofa, shoulders shaking as he began to suppress tears. "Shit, Harry, are you okay?" He shook his head, looking over to Hannah, who brought in the tea. "Hello Harry," she muttered softly, sitting down next to Neville on the other sofa. "Hi Hannah," he replied, not moving his gaze from where he had settled it on the floor. "So, what brought this on?" Nev asked gently. "I couldn't carry on like that Neville. I couldn't keep lying to her. Or myself." Hannah glanced at Neville as he furrowed his brows. "You've not been having an affair, have you?" Harry shook his head, "no, Christ no! I wouldn't do that to her." Neville relaxed slightly at the answer but still persisted with his questioning. "Then what is it, why did you leave her?" Harry looked up, glancing nervously at Hannah and Neville. "Nev, mate, I'm gay." Neville raised his eyebrows slightly, "well if there's ever a good reason to leave your wife, that'd be it." He said, "what did she say." Harry shook his head, "I didn't tell her. I told her I couldn't be with her and she flipped, and I didn't want to upset her more." Neville looked at him incredulously. "I don't think it would have upset her more, I think it would have explained why the man she has 3 kids with randomly decides to leave her." The tone was a bit sharper than he was used to from Neville and made him hang his head guiltily. "I've been quite stupid, haven't I?" Hannah piped up, "Just a bit. I'd suggest going to see her tomorrow morning and explaining because right now you're quite far in her bad books." Harry nodded. "I've really fucked up here. But I couldn't stay with her, it was killing me. Especially at the Weasley get-togethers." Harry admitted. "I feel for you, Harry. It must have been so difficult sitting with Ginny when all you wanted was to get into Bill's pants." Hannah teased. Harry snorted, taking a sip of his tea. "It was Charlie actually, but besides that, you were pretty much accurate there, Han." He laughed, giving her an odd look. "Have you been letting her near Trelawney when she visits you at Hogwarts? Because I think Trelawney might have rubbed off on her." Nev let out a laugh, shaking his head furiously. "As if I'd let her near Sybill, the first time Hannah came to visit me, she told her that she was pregnant. We were terrified." Neville reminisced. "Anyway," Hannah interrupted, "I'd say we should get to bed. It's nearly 3 and I've got to open up the pub at 7." Harry nodded and allowed Neville to steer him towards the small guest bedroom. "Good luck for tomorrow, by the way. You're probably going to need it." He chuckled.

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Harry could not have said under any circumstances that he slept well. It was not the bed, more the incredibly large amount of anxiety running through him. Once Neville had pointed it out, he had realised how incredibly badly he had messed up. When he had told Ginny, she had at first believed it was her. Thinking back, Harry didn't believe that it could have gone worse.

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 _"Ginny, I need to tell you something." He began apprehensively. "What?" She asked, a note of panic already in her voice. "Ginny, I can't carry on like this anymore, I'm leaving you." Ginny went stark white, frozen in place. "What do you mean, we're good together." She whispered. He shook his head, holding her hands in his, "Ginny, I've been lying to myself. I can't any longer." She shook her head, tears rolling down her face. "Is it me, Harry?" He shook his head, "Ginny it's not you. I can't keep lying to myself, to you. I'm leaving you and there's nothing that's going to change that." He coaxed. She shook her head, flinging herself away from him. "It is me, isn't it? You think I'm not pretty enough anymore because I've had 3 of your kids. Want an upgrade to someone younger, don't you Potter? Think because you're the man-who-won or whatever fucking title they're using now, that you can get any model you want! Well fuck off_ _then Harry, go and be with your little slut! Does it look like I fucking care? Because guess what? You're not good enough for me, Potter!" He stood up, flinging clothes on. "If you think it's you then go ahead and believe that, but I'm telling you it's not!" He shouted, slamming the door shut and leaving._

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Morning came quicker than Harry would have liked, but he had to admit that he couldn't put off the inevitable. "Hey, Nev?" He asked as he stood at the front door, preparing to leave. "Yeah?" Neville shouted, walking through from the kitchen. "If everything goes tits up, can I stop here till I get a place of my own sorted out?" Nev nodded, "Of course mate. Have fun with the Mrs till then." He laughed, sauntering back to the kitchen.

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Harry knocked on the front door, despite having a key. When Ginny flung the door open, she immediately tried to slam it when she saw it was him. Harry stuck his foot in the door, preventing her from shutting. "Ginny, I just want to talk. I didn't really explain things properly last night and I think I need to." She glared at him, but growled, "come in." Storming off to the living room. When he got into the living room, he found her sat there, shooting daggers at him. "Well then? Get talking." Harry winced at the anger in her voice, but nevertheless sat on the other sofa. "Ginny, I'm so sorry at not explaining last night, but you got so upset and at the time I thought it would only make it worse. Luckily enough, Neville explained otherwise." Ginny's face relaxed ever so slightly, but the stern anger still remained. "Ginny, the reason I've left you is because I'm gay." Ginny clasped her hands to her mouth, a look of shock taking over her. "So when you said you were lying...oh Harry...I thought you'd cheated on me." Harry let out a small chuckle, reminded of the conversation from the previous night. "When I told Nev what I'd said, he thought I'd had an affair as well." Ginny nodded, tears brimming in her eyes. "This really is the end for us, isn't it?" Harry nodded. "We'll just have to try and sort things out, Ginny. But there's no going back."


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey, thanks for reading! Please Read and Review so I know what I'm doing well, and what I can improve!**

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The pair sat in silence in the once homely living room. Now, any cosiness the living room had seemed fake, only seeking to add to the palpable tension. "What's next then?" Ginny inquired in a small voice. Harry shook his head, "I don't know Gin. Maybe we should tell the family. Everybody's going to be at the burrow today, aren't they?" He asked, emotions running on overdrive. His heart was overflowing with guilt as he looked at how much he had crushed Ginny. "Yeah, at least everybody's meant to be." She replied gently, tears dripping down her face, leaving red tear tracks, contrasting against the milky white of her skin. "We'll tell them today then." He confirmed grasping her hand. "Daddy, why is Mummy crying?" James asked from the doorway. "Mummy's a bit sad right now, Jamie." He looked to Ginny, wondering what to tell the six year old boy. "Why?" He asked in a high tone. Wiping her eyes and sniffing slightly, Ginny turned to face the small boy. "Mummy and Daddy can't be together any longer Jamie." James looked confused, "but why?" he asked, repeating his favourite word. At the small glance from Ginny, Harry gave a nod, indicating that he would allow her to explain the reasons why as best as she could to a child. "James, you know how some boys marry girls?" She began, waiting for a sign of understanding from the boy. "Like Daddy married you?" Ginny nodded, "that's right. Well, some boys prefer to marry other boys. And Daddy thought he wanted to marry girls but he's realised he'd rather marry a boy." She explained softly, not only helping James come to terms with it, but herself as well. "But Daddy already married you? So why does he want to un-marry you?" Harry couldn't help but let out a small laugh at his persistence. "Daddy thought he wanted to marry girls, like me, but he was wrong. And now he knows he doesn't like girls, he doesn't want to be married to one." She explained. "That doesn't seem very nice. If he didn't like girls then he shouldn't have married one." He observed. "Things just aren't that straight forward James. When we go and see Grandma and Grandad, me and Daddy are going to tell everyone, so can you be a big boy and not say anything about it until we have?" She asked. James gave a beaming smile and nodded, before leaving to go back up to his room.

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Letting out a shaky breath, Harry looked over at Ginny. "Thank you. For explaining to him. I don't think I would have been able to without breaking down honestly. I've only just come to terms with the whole being gay thing and trying to explain to my son would have pushed me a bit too far, I think." She nodded, accepting the thanks. "It's fine Harry. This isn't going to be easy on any of us, and honestly, I think you have the worst of it out of the two of us." She stopped and glanced around the room. "It's going to be weird, not seeing you around here. What are you doing about somewhere to live? If you need, you can carry on living here until you get on your feet." Harry shook his head. "It's fine Gin. I appreciate it, though. I'm just gonna stay with Nev and Hannah for a while. I'm thinking of fixing Grimmauld Place up. I might as well get some use out of it." She nodded, before standing. "So we're telling everyone. Today? Even about you being...you know, gay?" Harry let out a breath, "that's the plan at least. Hey, Gin?" He spoke, a slight smirk appearing on his face. "Hmm?" She acknowledged as she fixed the positions of the cushions. "I would so do Charlie." At first, she looked at him with a slight horror, before bursting out laughing. "How long have you been waiting to say that?" He laughed and shook his head, "honestly? Since fourth year." She laughed before pulling him in for a hug. "I still think you're a huge dick, Harry. You're not off the hook for a while, yet." She mumbled before pulling away. "We've got to be at the burrow in an hour, so do you want to sort James and Al, while I sort Lily?" Harry nodded and quickly made his way up to the boys. He was pleasantly surprised to find both already dressed, though Al did have his t-shirt on backwards. "You and Mummy looked upset so I got me and Al dressed." James piped up, looking extremely pleased wit himself from the corner. "Thank you so so much, James." When Harry heard the fire roar downstairs, he realised there was one of his children he needed to tell.

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When Harry entered the living room, he found Teddy, lounging on the sofa, head lolled back lazily. "Hey, Teddy." He greeted. "Hiiiii," he replied dragging out the I. "I'm really craving Molly's cooking." He informed Harry, much to his amusement. "Look, Teddy, I, erm, I need to talk to you about something." Harry began, lowering himself down next to Teddy. "Me and Gin, well we've broken up." Teddy stared at him for a moment, "but what for?" He asked, looking more than a bit devastated. "The thing is Teddy, well, I'm gay." Teddy shook his head in shock. "What do you mean gay?" He whispered. "I'm sexually attracted to men, not women," Harry replied in an even tone. "No. No your not. If you only liked guys, then how did you end up with 3 kids? If you were only attracted to men you wouldn't have had sex with Ginny. You wouldn't have been able to." Harry could feel the blush rising up from his neck and cleared his throat. "Times like this are when I wish your Father was still alive...I wouldn't have to do this then." He mumbled before sitting up straighter. "Okay, well, erm, basically Teddy the, erm, area around your crotch and your thighs are really sensitive...and er.." He dropped his gaze for a moment, wishing Ginny was able to explain this one. Biting the bullet, he completely avoided looking anywhere near Teddy and continued. "If you have a girl, regardless of whether you're straight, sat in your lap kissing you, with her hands wandering, if she's stimulating sensitive areas of you, like your thighs for instance, then it'll be enough to turn you on. From there you can go on do other things...like me and Ginny did. Look Teddy, when you're older, I can pretty much guarantee if you found a man, assuming you're straight, that did that to you, you would get an erection. That's how I had sex with Ginny." When he looked up, he had to admit he was quite delighted to see Teddy blushing so hard his hair had turned red. "I regret ever asking..." he mumbled. "So you and Ginny are really over then?" Harry nodded slowly. "I know what it looks like Teddy, that I've just up sticks and leaving her, but it's not that one sided honestly. You have to see it from my perspective Ted, I've known, not necessarily that I was gay, but that I was attracted to men since I was 12. I'm 29 Teddy, imagine knowing you preferred men from your age all the way to my age. How do you think it was for me, knowing I'd rather sleep with my brother-in-law than my own wife, Teddy? Because I definitely didn't enjoy it. Back when I was out in the field, the first few years after the war, I tried to get myself killed so I didn't have to deal with it. Just remember that when you're mentally berating me for leaving Gin. It was either I left her or I left you all in a coffin at this point, Ted. I couldn't cope any longer." He admitted, not noticing the flash of red stood in the corner.

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He sighed and stood, turning to see Ginny. "Do you want to shout the kids down? We need to get going." They all stepped into the floo together as they left the house. Arriving at the burrow was certainly less neat, as they all fell out, tumbling over one another. They must have been the last to arrive, as when they got out of the grate, everyone was staring at them. Something about the sombre mood that Harry, Ginny and Teddy were in must have been noticeable, as Molly quickly asked. "What's up, dears? You all look as if someone has died." Ginny was the first to reply, the first to break the awkward silence Teddy and Harry had spent avoiding eye contact with anyone. "In a way, something has Mum," she admitted, leading Harry to the table, and to what was slowly shaping up to be his worst nightmare. Maybe their relationship wouldn't be the only thing to die.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey, thanks for reading! Please Read and Review so I know what I'm doing well, and what I can improve!**

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Molly studied them, worry etched into her face. "Ginny, Harry what's wrong?" Ginny, once more taking control of the situation, began to address the family. "I think everyone should sit down." As the family obliged, shuffling into their seats and creating more room to walk about, Harry and Ginny stood alone at the front of the room, having instructed the children to sit. "Well, what's happened then dears?" Molly asked from her seat at the front of the table. Seeing no reason to delay, unlike Harry who saw many, MANY reasons to delay, Ginny plunged right in. "Me and Harry have broken up." The outrage and shock rippled round the room, and one common question was being asked. Why?

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Ginny gave him a small glance before muttering, "do you want to tell them, or shall I?" He thought for a moment before tilting his head towards her. "I'll tell them." As they stood together, waiting for silent, Harry had to admit he hadn't felt so scared for anything in a long time. It pooled in his stomach, twisting and pulling, making him repress the urge to gag. He fought the urge to run as the Weasley's finally silenced, all staring up at him with expectant eyes. "The reason I left Ginny is because..." The words choked in his throat. He stood looking at the brood, darting his eyes from person to person, though purposely skipping Charlie. He closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. "I'm...well I'm..." That word. That one fucking word that plagued him would. Not. Come. Out.

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And in that moment, Harry knew he wouldn't be able to tell them. Hell, Harry knew he wouldn't be able to open his mouth to try again without throwing up. "Fuck, I can't do this." He rushed out, darting to the door and flinging it open, running out into the vast expanse of garden. Not for the first time, Harry was glad the Weasley's had the large garden, as it took him a solid five minutes of running to reach the pond before he broke down. He fell down next to it, and rested his head on the damp grass, allowing the tears to roll down his face. The urge to gag hadn't disappeared and it was no surprise when he tasted the bile in his throat as he threw up onto the grass he was knelt on.

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He couldn't tell them. He couldn't look down on their expectant faces and crush every detail they thought they'd known about the boy who lived. Because really that was what it came down to. He was never going to be just Harry. It was always going to the Boy-Who-Lived who left poor Ginny Weasley. No one would ever stop to think that Harry himself might have issues with being gay. What he'd told Teddy was only the tip of the iceberg. How was he supposed to tell a 12 year old, that not only had he thrown himself in front of curses during fights, but that back in the first half of fourth year and a good amount of fifth year he'd spent some of his worst nights casting cutting curses at himself. Teddy wouldn't understand that, hell, none of them would understand that. How was he supposed to explain the nights that he put a bit more power than usual behind them, not deliberately trying to end his life, though he did that once, but just to see how far he could go, to see how deep he could cut, with that small part of him hoping he wouldn't wake up. How was he supposed to explain the time in the holidays after fifth year when he'd overdosed on sleeping tablets with only Dudley in the house, and Dudley had managed to make him, whilst unconscious, throw them back up so he could live to see another wretched day.

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None of them could truly understand how much he hated the prospect of being gay. How after he had wanked to thoughts of Oliver Wood in third year he'd thrown up afterwards in the boy's bathroom in the middle of the night because of how disgusting he felt afterwards. How every time he found a man attractive, he hated himself more and more, giving him the drive to cast another curse at his arm, his thigh, his stomach or wherever he had chosen that night. How every time he noticed Draco's arse during sixth year he felt the need to come onto Ginny more and more. How during the ball for the Tri-Wizard Tournament, all he'd wanted to do was ask Cedric to dance, and even more how he never got the chance. All being gay had done was brought him pain. Sirius had suspected it on top. He'd said so during one of their conversations during the Christmas Holidays before he died. He'd been talking about the kiss with Cho at first, though he had managed to wind up talking about Cedric rather quickly. For a few moments, Sirius just stayed silent, studying him, grey eyes seemingly running over him, absorbing everything that he could. Finally, Sirius spoke. "You're gay aren't you, Harry?" Sirius hadn't said it vehemently, nor with any judgement, just with a soft tone of acceptance. Despite this, Harry still furiously denied it, quite firmly enforcing his heterosexuality. During the rant, Sirius didn't speak, but just waited until Harry had finished before he spoke again. "Harry, you may not have admitted it to yourself yet, but never deny who you are. You can't change it, not should you try to." It was a shame it took Harry 14 years to listen to that advice.

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"Harry!" A familiar voice called and he was immediately engulfed by arms and long red hair. Ginny squeezed him tightly, shaking a little as she did so. "I shouldn't have made you tell them, Harry, you weren't ready and I knew you weren't but I still made you." Harry shook his head, not having the strength to protest further. "Did you tell them?" Harry asked. Ginny looked down at the grass, "no, but Teddy did. Ron was going on about how you were a coward for leaving your wife and not even telling them why, so Teddy stood on the table and told Ron to shut the fuck up, which I wasn't very happy with, then proceeded to explain how you had essentially tried to get yourself killed so you didn't have to deal with your flaming homosexuality as he put it." Harry snorted slightly, but the anxiety about the Weasley's reactions stopped him from finding it as funny as he would have. "What did they say?" He asked. She gave him a smile, "I think they'd like to tell you themselves," as she grabbed his hand and lead him back to the house.

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Despite Ginny's reassurances, if Harry had to compare the walk back to burrow with anything, he'd say it would be like going to Mordor. He knew that, in theory, it was impossible for every member of the Weasley family, by marriage and blood to hate him, but the fear that they did still gather in his stomach. When the door swung open to reveal the whole family, besides Ron, looking at him anxiously, a good majority of the fear melted away. "Harry dear, we're not angry with you." Mrs Weasley informed him, embracing him in a warm hug. "Yes, how could we be," Audrey, Percy's wife began, "after all with Percy being Bisexu-" She was cut off by a firm, "that's quite enough," from Percy. Audrey looked at him oddly. "You mean your family don't know that the reason you and Penny broke up is because you slept with Wood?" Percy turned a deep crimson as he glared at Audrey. "No. Well, they didn't until you decided to blurt it out. In fact, I had managed to keep my family completely oblivious to the fact I was bisexual, and I was quite happy for them to remain so." He spat. The elder two siblings just watched in amusement. Eventually, though, Bill spoke up. "Perce, mate. You realise we don't care. Me and Charlie found out whilst we were still in Hogwarts. Honestly, when you married Audrey we thought you were just in denial about being gay and Audrey was in on it. After all, everyone knew about the rumours about you and Oli." Charlie nodded, adding to his brother's testimony. "We found out when we were rooting in your room for a shirt Mum had apparently sent to you by mistake and we found the magazines you keep under the bed. Playwizard Hunks edition was one if I'm not mistaken."

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Ron had apparently had enough of the banter, and interrupted with a shout of "are we ignoring that Harry left Gin because he'd rather have a cock up arse?!" The joking stopped, and the three elder siblings turned to look at him. "I mean, Percy has managed to stay married to Audrey and he's a poof! I can't see why Harry can't do that either!" Hermione shook her head, placing a hand on her husband's arm. "Percy is bisexual, Ron. He's attracted to men and women. Harry is only attracted to men." Ron snorted. "Both fucking poofters for all I care," he replied snarkily. Harry shook his head, "look, I'm gonna go, but it's good to know I have support from all of you." He gave a quick glance to Ron, "well most of you anyway." And with that, he strode out of the kitchen and disapperated.


	4. Chapter 4

**Please read and review to let me know how I'm doing! I got a comment on AO3 (ive cross posted it) on the last chapter about the character being OOC. If you could, would you mind telling me what you think they are like in this chapter, since I wrote with that in mind**

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Harry steadied himself as he appeared outside of Neville's. Rather than knock on the sturdy oak door, he sat on the small bench outside and simply just sat and enjoyed the silence, whilst running the mornings events through his head. Luckily enough, most of the Weasley's seemed to be on his side, and interestingly enough, he'd learned that the rumours about Percy and Oliver Wood were true. He remembered how one of them had begun. They'd been sat in the Great Hall at dinner when the doors had flung open to reveal Snape dragging both boys, a hand on each of their collars. They were thoroughly dishevelled, as though they had been fighting. It was at that moment, that Harry caught a glimpse of Percy, and realised that his fly was undone. Now, it was, in theory, possible that if they were fighting, that Percy could have simply popped the button, causing his trousers to come undone. However, the weird flush of both of them, along with the almost love-bite like bruises running up Oliver's jaw made it seem that little bit more unlikely. Of course, they'd denied they'd been doing anything but fighting, but the rumours still ran rampant.

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Sighing, he stood up and knocked on Neville's door. Neville swung the door and practically dragged him in, before slamming the door behind him. "Nev, what's going on? Where's Hannah?" Neville shook his head, "Hannah's at The Leaky, just come through there's not much time." He shepherded him not into the living room but instead lead him past the door and began ushering him up the stairs, one hand on the balcony and one on Harry's upper arm. "Things really escalated when you left the Weasley's. It's not safe for you to stay here." Neville murmured, directing him towards the spare bedroom. When he saw who was in there, waiting for him, he had to admit he was shocked.

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A sharp, tense voice pierced the silence. "Harry, we were getting worried. We thought he'd already found you." Audrey on his arm, with Molly by his side and Lucy in his grasp, stood Percy. "What's going on?" Harry asked, incredibly confused by now, "why are you here?" Percy passed Lucy over to Audrey, and came closer to Harry, shutting the bedroom door. "When you left, Ron began getting more aggressive, saying he was going to find you and kill you. The way he was getting, we knew he was going to come after you." Percy took a moment to swallow. "Ginny told me where to find you, but Hermione came up with it. She's a very clever girl, shame I didn't notice it before. She said someone needed to warn him, and because I associate with you the least, Ron wouldn't suspect me. Coming here would be quite high up on his list, so she told me to get you out of here, and invite you to stay with me for a few days, until Ron eases off." Harry nodded, casting an anxious glance at Neville. "I shouldn't have dragged you into this Nev, you've got a family now, and now Ron's going to come and barge in to find me. I'm sorry for getting you involved in all of this." Neville shook his head. "Harry, you're my friend. Of course I helped you out. Now go on, before Ron turns up." Harry nodded, and allowed Percy to side-along him out of the house.

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Harry glanced around the room, taking in his surroundings. It was bright and airy, with light blue walls, a high ceiling, and a large bay window in the centre. With the light, hardwood floors and pale grey furniture, it was surprisingly...homely to say it was Percy's. Admittedly, it was only the second he'd been in the house since Molly had been born, which was six years ago. So maybe it shouldn't have been as much of a shock as it was. "It's nice isn't it?" Percy asked, interrupting his thoughts. Harry nodded, not looking at Percy, instead turning his head still, looking at the room still. "I got a ministry bonus a few years ago, and Audrey insisted we use it to redecorate. I'll take no credit because she did a marvellous job." Harry nodded, "it's really nice." He said, moving away from his original spot. "Percy, thank you for doing this. Really. You didn't have to come and warn me about Ron, let alone invite me to come and stay with you." Harry smiled. Percy shook his head. "When he was insulting you, calling you a fag and whatnot, he was insulting me as well, after what happened with Oliver. Just because I never mentioned it to them, doesn't make me any less bisexual." Harry gave him a nod, and followed behind him as he made his way towards the door. "Audrey is making a bite to eat, since we all left before dinner was served." Harry nodded, sitting down opposite Percy at the study oak dining table. "Was Ron always like that? About gay people?" Harry asked, looking up at Percy. "Hmm...I suppose so. He's never really been so vocal about it, though I suppose it wasn't a topic we discussed often. That's probably why it took me so long to come to terms with being bisexual. Oliver was a great help with that, though. Even introduced me to his parents, as his partner..." Harry took his cue to speak from Percy's silence. "Do you see him often?" Percy gave a choked laugh, shaking his head. "No...I haven't seen him since the end of the war. He never forgave for burying my head in the sand and agreeing with the ministry whilst he was fighting alongside everyone else. I was scared, Harry. I didn't want to fight in a war, not that I can imagine many people wanted to. You probably don't understand very well...after all you were the figurehead for the worst of it." Percy looked down at where his hands were clasped together on the table. "I understand Percy. I may not have been scared about the war, but I was scared of admitting I was gay, not just to other people but to myself as well. Look at me back at the burrow, I was a state. I was so disgusted by the thought of being gay, when I wanked to thoughts of Oliver in third year, don't ever mention that to anyone by the way, I went and threw up afterwards." Percy raised his eyebrows. "Firstly, who am I to judge for being attracted to Oliver. Secondly, were you really that bad?" He asked slightly incredulously. At Harry's nod, he continued speaking, "honestly, I thought I was bad. Me and Oliver had been building up for years before anything happened, but when it did, I went to Penny and broke down, telling her how I'd cheated on her. Now, I believe she must have sensed there was something more to it by the way I was acting, so she calmed me down and pressed on until she got Oliver's name out of me. All she did was calmly ask if I was gay. I mean I said no, because it was the truth. I knew I liked women, but I also knew I was attracted to men. Through my sobs I managed to convey this and that's how I found out I was bisexual. Personally, I'd never heard the term, but once she had explained it, I knew it was right." Harry nodded, enjoying the insight into Percy's life. "Did she stay with you then?" Harry asked. "Ah, no. Regardless of whether sleeping with Oliver was due to repressing my sexuality for 17 years, I had still cheated on her, and she couldn't care less whether it was a man or not." Harry nodded once more. Whether he thought she was slightly harsh, when it boiled down to it, Harry saw where she was coming from.

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Their conversation was interrupted by Ginny, of all people, running in. "Ron's still looking for him, and he's only getting more wound up the longer it's taking to find Harry. He's caught onto Harry being warned by one of the family so he's going through barging in to try and hunt him down. He's just been to Charlie, that's who warned me. Hide him Percy, and quickly!" She warned before dissapperating. "Well Harry. It looks like you'll be getting more acquainted with the attic." Percy informed him before leading him up the stairs. It was at this point, Harry regretted leaving Ginny.


	5. Chapter 5

**Please Read and Review! I'm open to any suggestions or improvements that you might want to give! Feel free to correct my SPAG, since this is** unbeta'd

Percy and Harry had only just gotten to the top of the ladder that led to the attic when they heard the front door crash open. Quickly shutting the trapdoor and vanishing the ladder, Percy sat in silence in the dark attic for a moment before sighing in resignation. "Looks like I'll be spending time in the attic as well." He murmured, before quieting, listening for Ron.

#

"Where is he, Audrey?" Ron growled, loud and aggressive enough to be heard even in the attic. "Do an amplifying charm." Percy hissed into the darkness, waiting for his wife's reply. "Who, Percy? Oh, he's putting in overtime at the ministry. All very important work over at Magical Transportation from what he tells me. He's running it now, you know?" She chatted absent-mindedly, playing up on Ron's assumption that she was just a ditzy woman who was better suited to being a housewife than a senior ministry employee. "No, not Percy! I couldn't give two stuffs where he is!" Whilst Harry couldn't see Audrey, when looking back, he liked to imagine she shook her head in a sad, slightly condescending manner. "That's a shame. He cares so much for you. He's already fussing about what to get you for your birthday, and it's not even been Christmas yet!" She said in a rather sarcastic manner. Whether Ron picked up on the sarcasm was a matter for debate, but based on his reaction, Harry believed that no, he had not. "I already said I don't care about the pompous prat. Where's Harry?" Audrey was silent for a moment and all Harry and Percy could hear was small gurgles from Lucy. "Hmm? I imagine he's at home. He left early after all, so I he likely went to where ever he's staying. Have you tried looking for him at the Leaky Cauldron? They usually give him a discount." Ron growled and began pounding up the stairs, having presumably barged past Audrey.

#

In that moment, Harry made a split second decision and cast the strongest locking charm he knew at the trapdoor, lest Ron find he and Percy hiding in the attic. "WHERE IS HE?" Ron screamed, slamming a door open with such force that Harry was sure he heard it crack. Next to him, Percy winced, "all the doors are solid pine," he lamented. "Come out fag!" A shout came from below. "I'll have enough of that language in my house. May I remind you that you're offending your brother as well." Ron gave a snort. "Oh come on, we all know that you just said that to make Harry feel better. It's not as if being bisexual is a real thing anyway. You're either gay or straight, that's how it works." He spat. In the darkness, Percy shook his head. "I imagine Oliver would disagree with that sentiment. I swear if my brother ever comes near this house again, I'll change the wards so it transports him to a cold, dark forest in Scandinavia somewhere. One of the perks of the job, really." Harry gave a muffled laugh, blocking out Ron's barrage of threats and insults. "I'd trade jobs any day, Perce. I hate being an Auror." Percy looked at him, eyebrows raised, with those piercing blue eyes. "Really? But I thought it's all you wanted to be, even when you were in school," he whispered, lowering his voice as Ron walked right under the spot they were sat in. With a shake of his head, Harry set about correcting him. "No, not really. All I kept getting told was that I'd make a good Auror. I didn't really know about many jobs in the wizarding world, besides teaching, playing quidditch, working for the ministry or working for St Mungo's. I mean I know there's things like Gringotts, but until Ron told me about Bill, I didn't even know wizards could work there. Honestly, Perce, being an Auror is bloody miserable, but I don't know what I'd do besides that." Percy gave a shrug, going silent.

#

Ron's rant was becoming more and more vicious downstairs, and he'd not only expanded his threats towards Harry, which now included detailed descriptions of what he'd do to him, as well as him getting more aggressive to Audrey. Despite all this, Percy and Harry were not prepared when a curse of some sort was fired at the attic floor. Harry was much more accustomed to staying silent under situations like this, though whether that was from the war or his relatives he didn't want to consider. Percy however, was not so practised at remaining silent, and let up a small squeak as he tensed up. Without really thinking, Harry through his arm around Percy's shoulders, comforting the slim man. "He really wants to hurt you doesn't he?" Harry gave a small nod, avoiding meeting Percy's eyes. "I know he can have a temper, but even for Ron this seems too extreme. If it weren't for how badly I've been coping, I would honestly regret leaving Ginny." Percy furrowed his brows, looking into Harry's eyes. "What do you mean? Now, I might not spend all that much time with you, but I'm observant enough to say that you've looked fine." Harry shook his head. He knew he needed to talk with someone, and being the only other LGBT+ person he really had contact with, he assumed Percy would be most understanding. "In 3rd year, I hadn't really got what being gay meant if that makes sense. Like I knew I liked men, no matter how much I tried to deny it, and I'd heard the word gay, but for me it wasn't as if I hadn't connected them in my head, but it was more like I hadn't really got that it was permanent. I was to obsessed with trying to come up with a way to stop it, then I was being bothered by it. By November of 4th year, I was alone, and if being alone is good for anything it's thinking. At some point before I patched up with Hermione and Ron, something in my head clicked that there was nothing I could do about being gay. Rather than accept it. and begin to come to terms with it, I rejected the notion, convinced it was just another way of my freakishness manifesting. I'd spent 11 years living in a cupboard, being told I was a freak, so obviously it impacted me." Harry swallowed leaning closer into Percy. "I'm warning you now, if you still want to know the dark parts of this, you're going to have to be prepared." Percy gave a small nod, not sure what to expect, but feeling confident he was ready for it. "Around the, erm, time of the Yule Ball I began to self-harm." At Percy's look of confusion, he elaborated. "I started cutting myself, Perce. I still have the scars," Percy whitened a great deal. Whatever he had been expecting, it wasn't this. "I can stop talking about it if you want," Harry offered, but Percy immediately shook his head. "Whilst it might not be pleasant to hear, as you can imagine, I can't envision you've had a great many opportunities to talk about what it was like for you, and if it will help, then I'm willing to listen." Accepting his answer, Harry continued, still feeling slightly nervous about talking about all of it, "It wasn't because of Ron and Hermione abandoning me or anything like that, but I did start before we became friends again, I mean I don't think being alone helped, but back then I was so deep in the closet I was probably in fucking Narnia, to be honest. I was seeing all these girls who, if not for the whole school turning against me, probably would have been throwing themselves at me like a repeat of Lockhart's valentines day celebrations. Honestly, I would have given anything to just grow a pair and ask Cedric, but I couldn't. Instead I ended up going with one of the twins, but honestly, I hated the thing so much I don't even know which I went with. All I wanted was to be normal, to have a good time with a girl, and maybe end up with the night getting a bit handsy. But then the part of me I hated wanted to go up and ask Cedric for a dance. Ron probably wouldn't have liked that though." Harry swallowed averting his eyes, but leaning in ask Percy tightened his grasp around his shoulders. Ron was burning himself out downstairs, though Percy had no doubt he'd be back to full steam by the time he got to his next destination. Honestly, Percy couldn't help but wonder if his brother's friendship had done more harm than good to the man in his arms.

#

Percy was so wrapped up in his own thoughts, that he nearly missed when Harry started speaking again. "I managed along quite nicely during 4th year. I can't say I was happy, and I had to use a glamour charm for the second task to hide my arms, and thighs now I think about it, but compared to 5th year and the holidays afterwards, I don't think I was incredibly unhappy. And then Cedric died. After ignoring all I'd wanted to do, how I'd wanted to dance with him at the Yule Ball, how I wanted to take Cho's place, to have him die made everything all the worse. Combine this with the fact I had a bit of Voldemort in my head, oh and private lessons with Snape, and you can imagine how 5th year went. The holidays, just after Sirius died, were the worst though. The Order didn't get me until quite late into the holidays. Now, to explain why it links to me having issues with being gay, I have to sum up conversation we'd had the Christmas before he died. Sirius knew I was gay. I didn't tell him or anything, the first person I told was actually Neville, but he'd listened to the way I talked about Cedric and figured out. He was really supportive and just denied it. I was given the perfect opportunity to tell him, but I had that many issues with it still that I didn't. And he died never hearing it from my lips. After he died, I was honestly fucked Perce. About a week into the holidays, Vernon was at work and Petunia had gone out. Dudley left just after her and I assumed that he'd be gone for a few hours, so I went into the bathroom and I.." Harry trailed off, tears welling in his eyes, "I got the bottle of sleeping pills, and there was about 12 left. Now, these are strong things, so only in extreme cases are you meant to take more than one. I swallowed the whole bottle, Perce." Percy didn't say anything, but Harry knew that Percy realised that he'd tried to kill himself. "Dudley must have only been to the shops, because I was still conscious, though only just, when he found me. He saw the empty bottle in my hands and, this is going off what he told me because all I saw was his silhouette in the doorway before I passed out, but he'd known a boy who's brother had killed himself the same way at Smeltings, and the boy insisted on teaching everyone what to do in such a situation. Huge coincidence, but it payed off. He basically forced me to throw the tablets back up, and then he stayed with me until I woke up two days later. He'd tried to get my Aunt and Uncle to take me to the hospital but they point blank refused, moaning about the freaks would do to them. In public, Dudley still treated me the same, if he was with friends which is why the dementor incident happened, but in private he treated me well. After that, I suppose it was a wake up. I started dating Ginny that year and well you know the rest..." Harry finished.

#

Percy just stared at his for a moment, before embracing him in a hug. "I'm so sorry Harry. I know I couldn't have stopped Cedric or Sirius dying, but if I'd have treated you kinder or if I'd been more open about being bisexual, then maybe it wouldn't have come to that." He mumbled into his shoulder. Harry shook his head, "no offence Perce, but what if's aren't going to change the past. I appreciate the thought though." Harry said with a slight smile. Percy stared into those electric green eyes, and he was beginning to wonder if the electricity, the excitement dancing in those eyes, was contagious because he began to feel restless just staring into them. And that damn messy hair. If there was ever a trait that was going to bug him about Harry Potter it'd be that damn hair. Without really meaning to, Percy moved some of the strands of the younger man's face, sweeping them to the side. Realising what he had done, he blushed, feeling it rising in his face. "Sorry, that was probably quite odd." Harry laughed, those green orbs never breaking contact, "Nah, it's alright," he breathed, and suddenly the air in the attic felt heavier, more electric. Harry lunged forward, pressing his lips to Percy's. At the sharp tug to his hair, Percy began to kiss back, sucking on Harry's bottom lips, occasionally nibbling on it, and swiping his tongue across. He began running his fingers through his messy black strands, wanting to tug at it just to see Harry react. The slight groan he got as he wrapped a lock round finger and pulled slightly almost acted as encouragement. Almost as quickly as it had begun, it stopped, when both seemed to come to their senses and pulled away, flushed and panting. "That was...odd." Percy spoke first, feeling ever so slightly self-conscious. "Probably because we were emotional. Shall we...not do that again?" Harry said, the quirk at one side of his mouth revealing his amusement. "Best not to. Shall we also agree to not tell Audrey?" Harry nodded. He didn't like the idea of deceiving her, but it was certainly easier than explaining what exactly had led up to it.

#

"He's gone!" A feminine voice shouted. Harry picked up his wand and began to remove the locking charm. When he pulled the trapdoor, he was conscious of the lack of movement. Sighing, Percy seemed to come into his element. "Here, let me try," he said with a sigh. "What spell did you actually use?" As Harry thought back, he felt his face first drain of colour, then flush. "The same one Sirius said was used to stick his mother's portrait to the wall." Percy let out a laugh, which, if nothing else, demonstrated how hopeless the situation portrait of Walburga Black had been one of the first stories he'd been told when he returned to the family, because in the end, it had taken nothing short of Bill getting an axe and hacking the chunk of wall out to remove her from the house. All Harry could say is that he hoped the North Sea was treating her well. "Maybe I won't try," he conceded. Harry nodded, understanding that transfiguring something into an axe was quite low down the list of techniques Percy was willing to try. "Looks like we'll have to figure a way out," Percy grinned, looking unusually eager for the challenge.


End file.
